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The Challenges of being Single and a Mom

Being single and a mom is scary, challenging, frustrating, overwhelming, and lonely. It makes dating harder, and it tends to add insecurities.

You're scared to put yourself out there. After all, you think no one will want you because you are a single mom. Then, when you do start to date, you always have to find a sitter because who will watch the child while you're out trying to build a relationship with someone? And let us remember how we must be more cautious about whom we're dating because we not only need someone for ourselves; we need someone who will also be suitable for our kids. It's not only one heart they can break but multiple hearts if it doesn't work out. Dating seems too complicated and too hard when you have a child.

I'm 26 years old, with a three-year-old, and when I see/talk to single moms who are over the age of 35, and they have a child/kids over the age of ten, and I hear they've been single since their kids were between the ages of 3-5, that scares me, because why? Will I end up like that? I don't want to end up like that. Nothing is wrong with it because they are successful and strong. However, they are at a point where they feel lonely and want someone and realize that their kids will leave them one day, and then what? You're left even more alone because you chose to focus on being a mom and spent too much time on "healing," focusing too much on your child, and fixing yourself that you missed out on opportunities to be happy. Now you're wanting companionship and wanting to be in love.

I'm scared of being alone. Yes, it's great sometimes to not have someone stressing you out and not needing to please someone other than yourself and your child. However, there are times I want more. I know my child will leave me one day, and I don't want time to pass by me. I sit and make so many excuses on why I'm not "ready" or interested in men by saying things like " I'm just focused on myself" "I'm focused on my career and healing while trying to take care of my son and be a good mother." Or I'll say, "I don't want any distractions." or "I'm not ready." That's probably the same excuses Moms who are older and single said to themselves when things didn't work out with the father of their kids. And no offense, but I do not want to be 35, 40, or 45, wishing I put myself out there more when I had the chance.

I am scared of being alone. Even God said we weren't meant to be alone; he made Adam and created Eve so that Adam was not alone.

However, while I'm scared of being alone, I also fear loving the wrong person. Sometimes, not getting involved with someone seems easier because you don't have to worry about someone disappointing you and your child.

A man can't be alone, so it's easier for them to move on and start something new, but a woman can't and shouldn't be alone either. I am not sure when it began that a woman was so strong that they could be alone, specifically a black woman; however, no one truly desires to be alone. We all want someone, and we were all created for someone.

So, all in all, I wrote this to say, stop waiting until you're ready, stop making excuses, and stop being afraid. Take the risk, or lose out on a chance/ an opportunity. Include God throughout the process. (Keep your legs closed while doing so, so you don't end up with even more kids by yourself.)

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."

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