Since I was a little girl, I was always a hopeless romantic. I love, love, and I love giving and showing love to people. It came so naturally to me. Then in middle school, I had a natural gift for giving people relationship advice growing up. I was always able to understand both points of view and not be biased. Your opinion shouldn't be subjective when making sound judgments.
I remember when I wanted to be a marriage counselor because of how I viewed the concept of marriage and relationships and what they meant. I'm not writing this post to give advice; this is simply my opinion on how I view something I am passionate about. A free space for us to discuss different topics and how we view them. So with that being said… Why are marriages ending so quickly? Why are people quick to divorce these days? Why are people getting married without genuinely wanting to be married?
The Bible states: 'For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."
On Google, marriage is defined as the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship.
The two words that stand out to me in both descriptions of marriage are "One Flesh" and "Partners."
These days and ages, people have lost sight of what marriage is and why they are getting married. People take choosing the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with as a joke. Thinking they "love" the person so much, it's enough to marry them, love alone is not enough to marry someone.
Our society's selection process regarding having a wife/ husband is sometimes based on whether that person looks good on paper. Then unfortunately, really get to know them down the line, and don't like the person they are with, can't even connect with them. Or we pick a person because the sex was so amazing it made them think they wanted more. Our judgment cannot be clouded when choosing the person we plan to spend the rest of our lives with. I understand why we shouldn't move in together and have sex before marriage because the way sex is in the beginning, won't always be the same throughout the marriage. You cannot have a clouded mindset based on how fantastic sex is every single day. You don't want anything clouding your judgment when making one of the most significant decisions in your life.
That's why marriage needs to be looked at for more than just a title, looks, money, sex, and social media. We tend to believe that we know enough about a person in the first 12 months of knowing them, and in reality, we don't. So then we rush into a marriage because "it felt right, and they felt like the right person AT THE TIME. I've learned you never really know someone. It can be years down the line, and you are still learning new things about them. People change, situations cause people to change, no one is perfect, everyone has insecurities, trauma, and triggers in some shape or form, and you won't know everything about them instantly. You're not going to like everything about someone. You may find out they lack in certain areas, but NOBODY IS PERFECT. No one is going to automatically have everything on your checklist.
So, when choosing someone to marry, you are choosing this person to do life with. You fall in love with that person's soul and everything else, you have to learn to love because that's who you believe will be the partner you need in life. You are choosing to accept everything that comes with them. You can't sit, pick and choose what you will and won't deal with because you didn't know this would be an issue for you in the beginning.
When you marry someone, you are choosing to go through everything together because it is you two, ONE FLESH, against the problem. Every flaw/characteristic and habit someone may have that you do not like can be worked on if both parties genuinely care to compromise and find a balance. Marriages would work out if both parties didn't only think about themselves. Marriages would work out if both parties supported one another. You guys won't always agree with each other because we are supposed to have our own opinions about things, and that doesn't mean we are wrong. Everyone is right. Everyone has their own perspective. But at the end of the day, it's one flesh against the problem. If we focused on finding a balance instead of giving up, marriages would not end so quickly these days. If everyone focused on pouring into one another and not only thinking about themselves only in a relationship and realizing it's a partnership, it would work out. But people choose to see things negatively; they only see their side and what's on social media, and we think we are settling and can get more and better elsewhere. Weren't you the one who said in sickness and in health, for better or worse? Instead of trying to help each other overcome the issue, we are choosing to give up instead and file for divorce.
We, as humans, grow each and every day. We go through different experiences and lessons. The person you met on January 25th, 2016, won't be the same person on January 25th, 2023. We choose to do life with the person we marry, so why can't we adapt to the changes within them? How the world was in the beginning when we were born is not the same now, right? It changed a lot, but have we adapted to those changes? We may not like all the changes, but we deal with them. So why not the same when it comes to marriages? Why would we instead just give up so quickly; I'm not saying stay if you are constantly getting disrespected and abused, and it's affecting your mental health because you should leave. There should always be evident loyalty and respect! However, in all aspects, that person you feel like marrying should be your safe space. The Bible holds marriage to the highest, and we take it as a joke.
Furthermore, I know cheating causes many marriages to fail, and I am not saying I will allow a man to constantly cheat on me. However, I understand why a wife should be forgiving and turn the other way because men were born to be horny a-holes, READ THE BIBLE, and many are okay with only being with one person for the rest of their lives; however, there are also many who can't control themselves and should not be married if that is the case. But I say this to say a man cheating and a woman cheating are two completely different things. Us women tend to stay after a man cheats, while men lose their minds if their woman cheats on them. I can understand how and why it is so distasteful if a woman cheats on her husband because that shows she has no respect for him, to allow another man to touch her husband's TEMPLE; you are telling your husband you felt safe with another man. Women cheat with emotions, our bodies, as wives, are viewed as the church. Read Ephesians 5:22-33 it truly makes sense. And although this is a double standard, and I don't fully agree with turning a blind eye when a man cheats because that too is disrespectful, but the bible does go on to say, "Ephesians 5:33 - let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Because once a man allows his wife to lose respect for him, you might as well be divorced.
No one is perfect, and no relationship will ever be perfect. And sometimes, things fall short, and you feel defeated against an issue. But giving up so easy? It should not be an option. I get some situations are extreme, of course, and you should, by all means, give up. However, people get married for the wrong reasons! My only advice is to take your time, without wasting time, when choosing who you want to spend your life with and to stop making it all about you if you are married.